Author’s Note: This is a short story that I dreamed from beginning to end. It was one of the most terrifying nightmares I have ever had, and to exorcise it from my mind I wrote it down immediately upon waking, exactly as written here. If you are easily upset or traumatised you may want to give it a miss. You have been warned.
“That one looks ok.” We’d been walking for ages and my feet were sore in those shoes that Susan had got for me and they all looked the same to me anyhow so I didn’t really care. And anyway Peter is always right because he’s really smart so we all went up to the front door of the flat which was kind of like in the back of a little alley thing so it was set back from the street. And then we huddled together in front of the door while Peter listened. Then after a long time when he just stood there with his ear pressed to the door and breathing sort of funny he rang the doorbell and we waited.
It opened up and there was a woman there, she was nice. She said something I didn’t understand, (because we were in a foreign country and they speak different Lucy told me later), and Peter said we were lost and had no money or food or anything. He’s good at that, I used to see him in the square doing it and he always got something. And Susan too, but she had a different way for it. Anyway, the woman said, “Oh, English, I see…” in a strange voice and she stopped and Lucy held my shoulders and pushed me forward and I looked at her and said “Please madam…” like she’d taught me, and I made my eyes big just right and everything. “Well, wait here then.” she said and turned round to go back inside. She sort of half closed the door, but Peter ever so gently pushed it open and crept in behind her. He had his hand behind his back and in it was the knife he’d shown me when we were in the boat. It was big it was, and sharp too. He’d cut me with it to show me not to play with it. But Susan got annoyed and said he should leave off. Susan is nice, she looks after me. So does Peter too, but not in a nice sort of way. But it’s ok.
So there was Peter creeping up the hall behind the woman. It looked sort of funny, Peter so big and fat and all dressed in black clothes creeping so quiet behind I almost laughed. So did Lucy, I could feel her shaking behind me and her hands gripping my shoulders got awful tight. The woman must have heard something she started to look round, but Peter jumped up behind her and grabbed her and put his arms round her neck so his big knife was at her throat and his other hand was over her mouth. She was trying to scream but she couldn’t and Peter was hissing something in her ear that I didn’t hear and I could see the little line of blood that the knife made on her throat. It looked nice she had a long neck and it dripped down on to her blouse and left little spots. But Peter was careful and just scaring her I could see, I told you he was smart. We all went in and Susan closed the door behind us in our new home.
Lucy left me then and went up to the woman and starting touching her all over. It was weird. And she looked in the woman’s eyes then and she was laughing and shivering. She likes playing house, it’s her favorite. The woman was trying to jerk away so Lucy put her hands on her legs and held them, but Peter said she shouldn’t and Lucy got that look that Susan calls her pouty look and Peter was really starting to get angry I could see it. But just then there was a noise and I looked up the staircase and saw a little girl there, she had big eyes too, just like I had. I was wondering who showed her how to do it. And Susan ran up the stairs like a big bat flying to bite somebody and the side of her shawl got caught so she pulled it off and wrapped it round the little girl and started talking to her really quiet like she does to me when I cry. And that was right because I could see that the little girl was going to cry too. And I was thinking that maybe I should start to cry but then I remembered what Lucy had told me about not crying when we were doing things because it disturbed everyone and made them do bad things so I didn’t. I was good.
So Lucy opened the door to the living room and Peter pushed the woman in there and made her sit down somehow and Lucy went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I sat down in a big comfy chair and watched Peter stroking the woman’s face. He was doing it really gently and soft and the woman must have liked it because she stopped struggling and got very quiet and got this look in her eyes like she could see something far away and I looked across the room to see it too but there was nothing except a sideboard thing with glass in front and lots of things in it so I got up and opened it and took out a glass giraffe that was in there and brought it over to her to play with. I dropped it on her skirt and she sort of started wiggling her bottom but she couldn’t move because Peter was holding her. He had one hand with the knife over her mouth and his other hand was inside her blouse. I could see his fingers squeezing there. He pulled it open and she had this white lacy bra on that made me feel funny and he pulled one side of it down so I could see her breast. It was small, not like Susan’s, but more like Lucy’s and her nipple was really long and Peter said I should come over and he pressed my head against it. It was smooth and warm and I felt all comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. But nice. And it sort of pushed against me when she breathed harder and that was the best bit.
Then Lucy came in from the kitchen and she had the clothes line in her hand with some pegs still on it and she tied it round the woman’s legs and then took Peter’s knife and cut it and tied her hands as well. And Peter put his hanky in her mouth. That wasn’t very hygenic and it’s a good job Susan didn’t see him do it, she would have made him get a clean one. Lucy is good with knots ’cause she was a Guide she said and she can sew and everything. Susan can’t and she is jealous Lucy says but I know she isn’t because Susan is the nicest. And just then Susan came back in but there was blood all over her dress and her mouth and she has these long sleeves and they were dripping. And she has her hands in front of her and she was shaking and smiling and crying all at once and I got scared then and started to cry too and I couldn’t see what happened any more but Susan came with the medicine she has and she pulled up my sleeve and put it in and it was nice and she put it in herself too and I could see the blood on the end that was mine mixing with hers and with the other blood on her and it was all red and runny and comfortable and warm.
I was sleeping then but I woke up later. And I was in the bed and they were playing there too. The woman was lying beside me she was all hot and Peter was lying on top of her and pulling her. She still had the white lacy bra, it’s a good job it wasn’t black because then Susan and Lucy would have been fighting, but it wouldn’t matter I suppose because it wouldn’t fit Susan but then Lucy would say she was jealous again like she always does. But the woman still had it and white panties too but it wasn’t nice to look at them. So I looked across the room and Lucy was there, she was wearing a red bra and panties, which were her special ones she showed me once in her bag that she didn’t wear except for special things. And she was tied up too. She was standing there with her hands tied with big big knots to a board thing and a big thing in her mouth, it was sort of like a thing, but bigger. And she was making sounds and moving her head and looking at the bed. And Susan was there too, she had her clothes on, she was sitting in the corner with the little girl on her knee and she was biting her hand (her own hand not the little girl’s, silly!) which she does sometimes, and there was blood all over the walls and everything and I thought about the blood again and it was like I could feel it inside me too all rushing around and getting nowhere. And I thought about Peter saying that once about the people we saw in the square and I thought about blood and people in a big loop like in the fairground. And I thought about what would happen if the loop broke and there were people flying through the sky filled with blood and drowning in the sky. And it was funny to think of people drowning in the sky and not in the sea.
And just then there was a sound like a door opening and everyone got very quiet. Except for the woman she was trying to say something but she couldn’t because her mouth was all full. And then this man came in the door and he stopped there and just stared. And Peter jumped up but Susan was quicker and she hit the man but he still stood there and just looked. And Peter walked up to him very slowly and looked in his eyes. And the man looked at the woman on the bed and looked back at Peter and didn’t say anything at all, just stood there like a statue. And Peter told Susan to untie Lucy so she did. Then Peter made Lucy get down on her knees and she pulled the man’s trousers down. He looked so funny like that I nearly laughed but I didn’t because I didn’t want to upset the woman beside me. It was so quiet too, nobody made a sound, so I definitely didn’t want to laugh then, but it made me want to laugh even more. But the medicine just made me laugh inside it was good for that.
So then Lucy pulled down his pants and took his thing out. It was really big, bigger than Peter’s even. And then she started sucking it just like Susan did to me once when I was little and cried all night when I was homesick and she had no medicine. It was ok. I didn’t cry then because it was strange and she has nice lips with lots of lipstick on them. Lucy has black lipstick all the time, she thinks it makes her look tough. But she didn’t look tough then with Peter pushing her head so her mouth was full. I felt something warm on my shoulder and I looked over and the woman was crying big tears so I put my arm around her like Susan does with me and she cried more but didn’t move.
Then Peter came back over to the bed and he turned the woman over and he pushed her legs apart and looked back so that the man could see and he put his hand inside her and the man started to make funny noises and Lucy moved her head faster I could see that she was smiling even doing that. And then she took her mouth away and rubbed him with her hand really fast with a really big smile and he was making a noise like an animal, a pig or something like that, ummgh, ummgh and then his stuff came out all over Lucy’s hand in a big stream and I saw Susan jump up again screaming and hit him in the back again, but this time she had Peter’s knife in her hand and he fell on top of Lucy who was lying down laughing and licking the white stuff off her fingers. And Susan jumped on his back and kept hitting him and hitting him and Peter was holding the woman but I got bored and went back to sleep again.
We stayed there for a while, it was nice but the blood was a bit smelly and then one day we were getting breakfast and I took the milk from the fridge and I dropped it and it was all over the floor. And Peter hit me but Susan said he shouldn’t and they had a fight and Lucy laughed and hit me too when she thought they didn’t see. But I told and she called me a sneak and then Peter hit Lucy really hard and she fell on the floor with all the milk in her hair and we all started laughing, except Lucy. She has short hair, not like Susan and her’s falls out all the time. But there was no milk, so Peter said we should go someplace else where they had milk. And Susan brought the laundry in and Peter wanted to put on his Death In June T-shirt that he really likes but he said it was too faded and it was Susan’s fault and she started to cry so I held her leg and said it was ok. I love Susan, but Lucy says there’s no such thing as love and I said there was because Susan had this book and the people in it were in love too. Susan has lots of books, she likes to read them to me. She read me this one called Gothic Horror Stories, it was scary. But she said I didn’t have to be scared because it wasn’t real. And she likes vampires because they are in love as well.
So we left the house very quiet that morning and went for a walk. And Susan said she wanted to go to the countryside and Peter said that was a good idea we’d be safer there, and he made us walk for miles. But it was quick. I liked the sun and the trees smelt better than the blood, but not as interesting. And I liked the birds, but Peter kept saying bloody birds, and I thought again about how much blood a bird had and Lucy said she would catch one and show me but she couldn’t they were too fast and I was glad.
We were walking over the fields and then we found this big white building near the sea with nobody there. The downstairs was locked but we climbed these white steps to the top and Peter opened the door and there was a big empty room with some straw on the floor. And Lucy and Susan sat down and I said I was hungry so Susan gave me some chocolate that she had from the house. It was runny and melty from the heat but I liked it. I like sweets but Lucy says I shouldn’t eat them they’re bad for me and she eats them as well.
We had a nice sleep on the straw and when we woke up it was dark and we could hear people. And Peter looked out and saw lots of people there and lights and torches and things. And we could hear them splashing in the water and it was a party Peter said. And the door opened and there was a boy and girl giggling and holding each other. And they sort of stopped and said they thought there was nobody there. And Susan said that’s all right and we got up and walked out and left them there. We went down to the beach and Peter held my hand so I wouldn’t get lost. We sat on some rocks and he took off his shirt because it was warm and he looked a bit fat. And Lucy threw off her clothes and jumped in the water and started splashing everybody, so Susan pressed her lips together like she does when she’s annoyed and she went back up the beach and sat by herself with all her clothes on. I wanted to sit with her, but it was nice to be a boy and sit with Peter.
There was another boy in a bathing costume came up and sat with us and started talking. He spoke good English because we were in Holland Peter said and they speak English too, and I wanted to know if it was East or North because Lucy had showed me directions on a map in the town and what east and north and south meant and I was curious. And the boy said North and Peter said he liked the north and when the boy asked where we were from Peter said Doncaster but that was a lie because we were from Middlesex but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be hit. Then the boy looked at Peter funny and asked in a shy way if he was gay and Peter looked at the ground and said yes very slow. I asked Peter what that meant and he asked me if I was hungry. I was too and there was a barbecue so Peter gave me some money from his purse thing and said I could have whatever I want. It was great. Sometimes Peter is nice when he doesn’t hit.
So I put on my shoes and went up the beach to Susan but she wouldn’t talk to me, so I went to the place where they had food. And I did what Lucy showed me to pretend I had no money and a nice girl gave me some anyway and I held her hand. Her boyfriend was asking me questions but Lucy came then and sat beside me and smiled a lot at him and then they went away. Then Lucy took my money and bought us food. We sat and ate loads and she made jokes about all the people at the party. She was fun. And I saw Peter and the boy going in to the darkness holding hands but I didn’t care ’cause the food tasted good and Lucy was there.
© Rodney Orpheus 1996